i never thought i could be on the brink of tears from everything so overwhelming. 5 projects and 2 cca events. i thought i could handle it... handle all those so many problems. and apparently, who's there to help? the world here is so damn realistic. you can only rely on yourself.
the big problems, they're so big that i cant pen it down... so, here's 2 relatively small ones.
1:
i'm pushed to a leading position. against my will. and i'm sick of it. and when we come to agreement. decided. then suddenly. they wanna change the idea. and they take so damn long to respond. it's so damn inefficient cause they're not co-operating. just one thing: can we stop wasting time joking arnd and discuss proper?
2:
i only got a question. ever heard of a camp not providing lunch? besides, it's a 1day camp. aft all, it's just my opinion. since they are fine with it, and already DECIDED, nothing is going to make any difference. so i'm fine with it.
and that's why, out of the many reasons, i'm so sick of taking the lead. or rather, pushed to take the lead. and i'm sick of being asked to give my opinion already. cause whether i give it or not, there's no difference. maybe they've noticed. for the past 2 weeks, my answers have changed from opinions to just 3 phrases: "can", "okay", "anything". plus a =) done. aft all, i'm not going to be responsible for any of the consequences. not anymore.
if there's anything i learnt, talk is cheap. the action counts. so i'm just going to continue do my best with what i have. for what i cant change or can change with loads of effort and heart pain and stress, i'm not going to do it. cause i'm breaking. again. under the weight of everything, especially time... and people.
and ma told me one thing, given the circumstances i'm in, what choice do i have? i shouldnt expect too much.
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